I always get these paranoid feelings that the people closest to me don't really care about me and are going to leave me, and I know exactly why I feel like that. One side of my family has completely abandoned me, including my father, when really all I wanted was to love and be loved by them. I'm always on the verge of tears. I know that is where my issues stem from, and whenever I get the feeling I will be abandoned again and fear being without love, I tell myself: You know why you're feeling this way, so just stop it. But I can't, and that's the hardest part--knowing I'm acting crazy, and not being able to stop.
As I'm writing this, "Moment of Truth" by Gang Starr comes through my headphones. Guru says, "Sometimes you gotta dig deep when problems come near. Don't fear, things get severe for everybody everywhere. Why do bad things happen to good people? Seems that life is just a constant war between good and evil. The situation that I'm facing is mad amazing, to think such problems can arise from minor confrontations ... I'm ready to lose my mind but instead I use my mind ... My only crime was that I'm too damn kind."
I need to chill.
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